Sunday, October 14, 2007

Nights of misery

So I have been allotted months of futility and nights of misery have been assigned to me. When I lie down I think , "How long before I get up?" The night drags on, and I toss till dawn... My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle, and they come to an end without hope. Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never see happiness again. Oh how I can relate to Job here. I think to myself that Job had every right to feel that way though. Losing his whole family.. boils on his body... one horror after another. I can look at my life and focus on the horrors of my own and some how 'justify' my mental ailments that I experience presently. But I know in my heart that there are people in this world that have suffered far worse. There are people who have lost much more than I have and their faith has grown because of it. They take their loss and turn it into victory. The use that loss to help others, to die to their selves and let God be glorified through their lives. Are my mental problems a big pitty party? Scout from Survivor said something this last thursday that cracked me up... she said that Rory was on his pitty pot and he needed to wipe his ass and get off. Is mental health as easy as that?? Can I wipe my ass of all these symptoms and rise up?

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